Self doubt is a terrible thing

Every once in a while it creeps in to my life. I hate it... it's not welcome here. I'm not sure if it's my current struggle with medications, the fact that the medications aren't working, or just the self imposed stress of the upcoming craft fair... but I could really do without it.

I worry that people don't get it. In October, there was a costume contest on Etsy. I was excited as it was right up my alley. However, after winners were announced, I realized it wasn't my cup of tea. That's just not what I do. I don't make full costumes. I make accessories... peices that don't define, but that inspire. Pieces that can be mixed and matched to spark the imagination of kids. And perhaps that's the problem... I am gearing toward kids and kids aren't the ones buying.

But then I look at the amount of time I've been on Etsy and the amount of sales I've made. I'm doing pretty well. Especially since my 110 sales doesn't include the many pieces of the wholesale order. And I have only been on Etsy since July.

Currently I'm struggling with my display for this craft fair coming up in Renton. I had a great idea of how to display my crowns... a way that would not take up a lot of room in the booth and way that would set them apart. I ordered pieces a few weeks ago to make it all happen. Then we set up the canopy and I realized that my plan wasn't going to work. Not easily discouraged, I went back to the drawing board. I haven't really come up with much and the show is a week away.

To make things even more discouraging, the shelves I ordered came in yesterday. I pulled them out this morning... and they are huge! Much larger than I had first anticipated. I spent a pretty penny on those shelves and they aren't fulfilling my vision. It's disappointing to say the least.

And so I am back to self doubt. My mother and I have invested a lot of time and money into this whole endeavor. And while I enjoy what I'm doing (I like to believe she does too), I need some type of return. My previous three shows have been busts. However, I have blamed that on the amount of traffic that went through... which was none. But what if it's my product? Maybe people just don't get it.

It's all very discouraging. And so I push myself to sit at my sewing machine and I sew. Sewing makes me feel better. Creating makes me feel better. I am still hopeful that doing what I love will somehow lead me down the right path.

I'm not sure if this depressing blog is appropriate for here. But I figure that I'm documenting my journey. My ups, as well as my downs. Currently... I'm feeling down. I'm sure, with my swings, I'll be up again tomorrow.